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Four months in the north

February 4, 2014 by Blog Editor

The novelty of living somewhere new has yet to wear off! I am loving it up here. Here are some highlights so far…

Eden Court is a theatre and cinema and restaurant and whatever else they can think of. I could merrily find something to see every night. Comedy, plays, National Theatre live screenings, photography workshops, yoga classes, stuff for kids; interesting and non-shite movies. Mary (who is doing well) and I had a blast at the ballet last week. I also went to a fantastic writing workshop, two hours of practical inspiration for all of £7. They also do capoeira classes which I have no interest in doing but I like living down the road from the possibility of them, y’know?

Plus, at night the building looks like an evil spaceship.

Eden Court

Leakey’s Bookshop is an incredible used bookshop and cafe. I’m yet to try the cafe because the books are so distracting. They’ve got interesting and weird and ye olde ones; not just 50 copies of 50 Shades. Best of all there’s a huge wood stove thing in the middle of the shop, snap and crackling away. The smell of toasty logs and old books is intoxicating.

(Image credit)

As mentioned before Velocity Cafe has the best coffee. I tested exhaustively around town for you but even if you never make it up here, just sleep soundly knowing the work has been done.

Like so many places in the UK the high street is looking dodgy in parts, but there are also lots of interesting independent shops. There are two really great butchers, an ace fishmonger, two non-chain health food shops and the tiny but packed-to-the-rafters Saffron Oriental Food Shop. I love being able to walk up the road to find lovely ingredients, instead of needing a bus to Edinburgh! If that ever gets old, then kick me because I must’ve become an ungrateful git.

There is also a souvenir shop that sports a selection of jazzy skulls amongst the standard Nessie gear. And I can’t wait for summer to hit up this ice cream van…

One of the butchers always has this Dirty Carrots display out the front. The potatoes look equally filthy but for some reason they’re just labelled Potatoes.

I am arf the cakes at the moment but when I need a fix, Leachkin Bakery will be the place.

There are also some shops that you just don’t really get where we came from. Like the ones for all your wild beast stalking and salmon catching needs. This Christmas display must’ve freaked out the kiddies…

The tiny tweed jacket above for the young squire can be found in the window of no less than three different shops.

I’m still loving the river walks, especially when you get to the bottom footbridge and look across to the snow-capped hills. They always take me by surprise. I forget we’re in the Highlands now… there’s going to be some lands with height, derr.

I finally got round to exploring the Caledonian Canal, which runs kinda parallel to the river. The Caledonian is the fella that runs all the way across Scotland. Another one Great Feat of Victorian Engineering!

And that’s just Inverness itself! Turns out there’s more goodness beyond.

Let it go: Food Blog Comment Rage

January 31, 2014 by Blog Editor

I love reading food blogs. I rarely cook the recipes; I just like to ogle the beautifully-lit photos, fancy serving dishes and lush descriptions. I admire their patience in measuring each ingredient into a tiny spoon or Pyrex bowl, photographing them from above, then doing the washing up afterwards.

But it used to get a little messy when I scrolled down to the comments. There was no need to read the comments. I had better things to do than read the comments. Yet I could not resist.

Specifically, my eyes sought out the most inane, passive-aggressive or just plain annoying ones…

– I HATE CILANTRO so I will not be making this.
– Why no cilantro in this recipe? How can you not like cilantro?
– How long would this take in my slow cooker?
– What happens if you’re not lucky enough to own a slow cooker?
– Well thanks. I’ve just been diagnosed with a dairy allergy so can’t even eat this.
– My cake sank in the middle. What went WRONG?
– Black eyed beans are NOT Paleo so what should I do?
– How many Points is this six-layer cake?
– This curry recipe was far too spicy.
– This curry recipe was far too bland.
– Nice photos, what camera do you use?
– This recipe is not authentic. My mother makes this dish so much better and now I shall paste her 2,000 word recipe right here…

I’d scroll and scroll and scroll, making little pffffffftttt noises of outrage as the Food Blog Comment Rage grew…

OH GOD. That is so rude.
Who are these people?
If you saw Jamie Oliver or Delia Smith in the street would you use that tone?
Jeeeeeeeez…
You didn’t even say please!
Can you substitute ground almonds? Why not TRY IT and SEE!
How would he know what’s wrong with your oven? Do you want him to come over to your house and look?
She has a TODDLER and a FULL TIME JOB and she is DOING HER BEST!

Snort. Grumble. Eye roll.

It was becoming somewhat of a weekday ritual so I decide to think about what was going on there.

On a shallow level, it’s kinda delicious and irresistible to see the wild array of thoughts that humans posses. Even Gareth who’s not much of an internet person is prone to getting lost “below the line” on the Guardian website, oft yelling, “Come and have a look at these fuckwits!”.

But digging deeper, the Food Blog Comment Rage said far more about me than the commenters.

I realised I was still holding on to a fear of criticism and trolls that began when Dietgirl was published. The lovely emails and reviews have far, far outweighed the nasty ones… but the nasty ones cast a shadow that I wasn’t always conscious of. Looking back, I was writing quite tentatively and nervously, with a low background voice whispering you are shite! Fretting over sentences; trying to pre-empt negative responses. Hiding away or pulling back, curled up like a hedgehog.

So when I’d read these blogs, bristling defensively on the authors’ behalf, I reckon part of it was vicariously licking old wounds.

And the compulsion to read these beautiful blogs was not only because they are beautiful blogs, but because their authors wrote boldly, consistently and from the guts. Over and over they put themselves out there, staying classy and true whatever the feedback. It was easier to envy/admire their courage (and get hoity toity about their comment sections) than risk doing anything myself.

At new year I decided it was high time to let go of that and get back to having fun. I made a vow that in 2014 I will write once a week, no matter what. So if seven days go by silently around here, feel free to leave a nagging comment. I promise not to get my knickers in a twist about it!

This post is part of the Let it Go Project: a collection of stories leading up to a beautiful releasing ritual, hosted by Sas Petherick on the 30th of January. All the details for this free event are here. And you can take part. Be inspired by other posts in this project, and share what you are ready to let of of on the Let it Go Project Community Page.

2013 Review Thingo

January 15, 2014 by Blog Editor

Here we go again! Previous episodes: 2012, 2011, 2010 and 2009.

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
Moved to Inverness? Grabbed my finances by the bollocks at long last? That’s all I can remember. Must keep a note of this stuff during the year.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?
Write every day. About 63% successful there. I also chose a word of the year: Focus. It was ace! But not in the way I thought it would be. I thought it’d be all about fitness/career, but with the unexpected happenings of Q3 it became about focusing on what absolutely, really needed to done… as opposed to the “problems” and “urgent tasks” of my mind’s invention. It felt rubbish at the time but I’m far less procrastifaffy these days.

Pancake Place, Dunfermline

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! I lost count.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
Australia, Dubai, Germany, Italy and The Netherlands. All work trips except going home to Oz via Dubai.

Burj Khalifa, Dubai

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked in this one?
Fluffy baffies! (that’s slippers if you’re not in Scotland)

7. What dates from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March – briefly visit to my friend Paula in Dubai, en route to Australia. We drove out into the desert at sunset and I loved that sparse landscape. Thank you Paula!
April – a mini road trip with Rhi for a family BBQ with some happy reunions, topped off with a cake/coffee debrief/detour on the way back to Mum’s.
July – scorching day on Islay, paddling in crystal clear water with tiny fish scuttling about. Never thought I’d get in the water in Scotland!

SWOON!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting through the fucker without too much whinging!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Ignoring my instincts on a particular decision. It’s turned out even more crapfully than the instincts predicted, d’oh. Never again!

Also failed to progress beyond the dishcloth, knitting wise!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A julienne peeler.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Moving.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Oz.

Blurred due to excitement

14. What song will always remind you of this year?
Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy. The CD has been in the car for months. Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak / Somewhere in this town. Somewhere in this town? Let me guess… AT THE JAIL!?

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Happier!

b) thinner or fatter?
About the same.

c) richer or poorer?
Poorer. Moving is pricey.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Read fiction.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Emotional eating of KitKats.

Christmas lights on the River Ness pedestrian bridge

18. How did you spend Christmas?
At home in my jammies, just me and Gareth and many 30 Rock episodes.

19. Did you fall in love this year?
Nooo… but would I write it here if I did?

20. What was your favourite TV program?

30 Rock – I got into it after watching all of Season 5 on the Dubai – Glasgow flight back in April. Gareth and I have been going through the archives this winter.
Parenthood – Pure comfort telly. Good stories with mostly non-annoying characters. And everyone has perfect hair. Sometimes you just need that.
Sgoil nan Cuileanan/Puppy School – last spring we got hooked on watching a bunch of dogs learning to be obedient, in Gaelic. Who knew we’d end up living in the Highlands? It makes me want to get a dog just to try and get on the second series.

Sgoil nan Cuileanan

21. What was the best book you read?
Life After Life.

22. What was your favourite film of this year?
I didn’t see any new ones that really struck me but my Netflix favourites were All About Eve and the Senna documentary.

Birthday slice

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 36, took the day off work and pottered around Inverness. I went to Velocity (best cafe in town by far) and had a wodge of outstanding lemon marscapone cake for breakfast. Then I went jeans shopping. What kind of masochist does that on their birthday? Which led to dressing room tears which led to pondering the cake/jeans connection and vowing not to feel that shite on my 37th birthday which led to Googling personal trainer Inverness which led me back to weight training and the rebuilding of healthier habits. So not a bad day really!

24. What kept you sane?
Friends near and far.

25. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I can’t remember! I need to keep a Lust List during the year.

26. Who did you miss?
Everyone in Oz. It got worse after the visit!

Aussie pubs are awesome

27. Who was the best new person you met?

My blog buddy Helen, finally in person, 13 years after we met in the diet blog olden days when we paranoidly blurred the faces of our progress photos.
Sas at last!
Shona the Personal Trainer

See ya, 2013!

Dispatches from Chez Nessie

October 27, 2013 by Blog Editor

I’ve been in Inverness for four weeks now, but I found good cake on the first day!

#priorities

I’ve been going for morning walks along the river. In the mornings there are blokes fly fishing, standing in the middle of the river in waders. I never see them catch anything; I think they just like standing there. I also like watching dogs who’ve been let off their leads. They zoom straight to the steep banks, and when I look across from the opposite side it’s a series of zig-zagging hound shapes, snuffling up and down the slopes.
Most of all I dig the spectacular trees that flank the river. They’re all yellow and autumnal, and sparkly with fairy lights at night.

Nighttime trees

Do you ever wonder why humans find water so soothing? All crabbitness dissolves as soon as I get to the river. Why don’t I feel the same way about a tarmaced carpark or a brick wall? I guess water has been around for a long time and our brains evolved to find it pleasant. Maybe in a million years our tastes will expand and we’ll be fighting to buy houses with exclusive waste-dump or maximum security prison views.
Chez Nessie has an abnormally small kitchen/living room. The movers actually laughed when they brought the couch in. “Where should we put this? Oh how about RIGHT DOWN HERE, coz there’s naewhere else!”. You can sit on the couch and just about reach out with your leg to switch the light on with your foot on the opposite wall. I dig that kind of energy saving.
You’d think with the kitchen being right there next to the couch we’d stop arguing over who carries the plates to the sink after dinner or whose turn it is to make the tea. NO and NO.
For almost ten years of togetherness, Gareth worked from home while I trudged off to work in the real world. Now revenge is finally mine! He starts brewing at 6AM most days, so while he stumbles around in the dark it’s my turn to open one eye and mumble faux-innocently, “Oh… is it getting-up time?” then pull the duvet over my head.

Morning walk

Good bits of working from home: pajamas and radio. Bad bits: too many cups of tea. Rubbish office banter. About 45 steps per day on my Fitbit if I forget to move!
Any other remote workers out there feel the need to overcompensate for their lack of bodily office presence? I am doing my work twice as fast and responding to emails like a demon. Whereas back in Dunfermline I would have spun around on my chair for awhile or revived the Isn’t It Funny How You Get Hungry Five Minutes After Eating An Apple conversation or made a round of tea before opening the inbox.

Fife is like a box of chocolates

September 29, 2013 by Blog Editor

Dunfermline Abbey

Tomorrow arvo I’ll train it up to Inverness to finally join Gareth, so I’m feeling temporarily nostalgic about 8.5 years of Dunfermline and Kingdom of Fife life. And not just for the proximity to Edinburgh! I will miss…

The Fife accent
I’m sure there are sub-Fife accents (so pendants, hold your fire), but in general there’s a porridge-thick accent that took me years to comprehend. You hear a lot of “ken?” or “eh” at the end of sentences and may be greeted with “Arright pal?” in the way Aussies do with “G’day mate”. Somewhere along the line I swapped “no worries” for “nae bother pal” and I sound bloody ridiculous.

Carnegie statue

The Glen
Ol’ Andrew Carnegie didn’t forget his home town when he went to America to make his millions – he left the Dunny with Pittencrieff Park, better known as The Glen. It’s where I did my 5K training, had our Scottish wedding and got blinded by the pale bare torsos of local lads whenever the sun came out. Gareth took me there on our first date and after we did a lap he said of his town, “Well… that’s about it!”.

Peacock doon the Glen

Springtime in the park

Groovy places galore
You cannae beat Dunfermline Abbey. St Andrews. Falkland Palace. Culross. The fishing villages along the East Neuk (and the fish and chips). And the jewel in the crown, THE SECRET BUNKER!

Deep doon the bunker

Cultural happenings

The woods
I will miss pottering around the woods near our village. Why didn’t I go up there more often? It’s quiet and dark with bouncy pine needles on the ground, and every time I went for a walk I’d say “I need to come back with a picnic or do some writing or just have a snooze” but I never did, dagnabbit.

Bluebells in spring, too

The beautiful Forth Rail Bridge
THE GREATEST OF ALL BRIDGES.

Forth Rail Bridge

Not to mention wonderful pals, discovering kickboxing (let’s not mention destroying my knee), the giant chip-guzzling seagulls, and the most incredible yoga class.

Now bring on the North!

Might come in handy one day

September 21, 2013 by Blog Editor

Some called me lazy back in January, when I shoved the Christmas tree into a garbage bag and tossed into the loft with the decorations still on it, but now it’s packed up and ready to move! FORWARD PLANNING.

Hmm… looking a bit wonky up top

This tasty feeling of turning my life upside down reminds me of leaving Oz in 2003. I love a good life reboot. Back then it was distilling a Canberra apartment into a suitcase; this time it’s a family-size house and garage down to a two-bedroom flat (demand outweighs supply up there, they say). Gareth is mourning the garage brewery, but I’m pumped for smaller digs and pared-down possessions. The more stuff that walks out the door, the more space and lightness I feel in my brain. It’s a calm and quiet process this time though; not a gleeful running-away-from-something feeling.
Unlike a decade ago, I’m not scared of the unknown. I’m not worrying if this is the right or wrong move. It’s just a move. I’m not one to wang on about “The Universe” or fate or destiny… I reckon life is a mish-mosh of a) conscious decisions and b) completely random shit. So I will let things unfold, try to be open and choose whatever path feels best at the time. Something will happen up there, and whatever that is, even if it sucks I’ll get through it eventually.
I’ve been Gumtree-ing like a mofo. Gumtree is the dogs’ knob. I put a random item up there, and on average within half a day someone’s picked it up. Example: our gigantic, ancient television is too big for the flat. It was a cast-off from friends who’d originally got it free from a pub. Now it gets a fourth life with a stranger from Glenrothes. In your face, fancy flat-screen tellies!

Will miss this sunset view

Tip: Think carefully before shacking up with someone with hobbies that require lots of objects. Beware of home brewers, multi-instrumentalists and cyclists. Especially all three rolled into one person. And those who keep random planks of wood because they Might Come In Handy Some Day. I love you Gareth, but every time I open a cupboard I want to run away and be one of those minimalists. I’d travel the world with nowt but three pairs of undies, a Moleskine notebook and insufferable smugness. I’d stop typing vowels too, jst t cnsrv spc.
Most of my stuff is paper – souvenirs, notebooks, letters and Very Important newspaper cuttings. I nearly turfed it all into storage but decided to spend a few days sorting it properly. I pared four mega boxes into one shoe box of special stuff. I took my pal Sara‘s advice that if you don’t have room for something, take a photo then ditch it! Everything not photographed or boxed up now lives on in the brain-shed (or the heart one).

Travel agent note from 2003… this made the cut

So we’re getting there. I can say without an ounce of self-deprecation I look and feel like crap! The past three months have been a bit intense. I’m not whinging – how could I with all Mary is going through (she’s making great progress, by the way!) – but my brain is overwhelmed mush. It’s taken me a week to bring you this gibberish! I want to fast forward to trotting along the River Ness and getting back into my routines. So excited for that.
I went into the loft last night to get more boxes. It’s so quiet and peaceful up there. I could hear the wind and the farmer ploughing the field nearby. I wished I’d appreciated the loft more this past four years. More than just a cardboard graveyard, turns out it’s a great place for nap!

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